When you talk to someone with Parkinson’s disease, it’s easy to slip up, especially if you’re unfamiliar with the condition.
Parkinson’s is a disease that doesn’t just mess with the body—it can mess with how someone feels about themselves and how they experience the world. So, knowing the right words to say and the ones to avoid can make a huge difference.
Let’s break down what you shouldn’t say when talking to someone with Parkinson’s disease. We all want to be supportive, but sometimes, we just don’t realize how certain words can come across. Trust me, it’s all about being mindful.
Why Words Matter When Talking to Someone with Parkinson’s Disease
Living with Parkinson’s disease means facing a lot of challenges, most of which aren’t visible. People with Parkinson’s might look perfectly fine on the outside, but that doesn’t mean things are all smooth on the inside. There are physical symptoms, emotional hurdles, and cognitive challenges that they deal with daily.
When you don’t fully understand what someone is going through, it’s easy to let certain comments slip out.
And sometimes, those comments can make someone feel like their struggles are being minimized or misunderstood. The last thing you want to do is make someone feel isolated, like their experience isn’t valid.
So, whether you’re a friend, family member, co-worker, or even a casual acquaintance, you need to be aware of the impact your words can have.
With just a little thought, you can be the supportive presence they need. But, before we get to the right way to talk, let’s dive into some of the phrases you should avoid.
1. “You Don’t Look Like You Have Parkinson’s”
I know it sounds like a compliment at first, like you’re saying they’re doing well or don’t seem sick. But the truth is, Parkinson’s is often an invisible condition.
Most of the time, you can’t see the struggles that a person with Parkinson’s faces. Just because someone isn’t showing the physical signs of the disease doesn’t mean they aren’t dealing with them internally.
This statement can feel like you’re invalidating their experience. It’s as if you’re saying, “You look fine, so you must be fine,” which is frustrating.
The reality is that someone with Parkinson’s might be dealing with pain, fatigue, tremors, or other symptoms that you can’t see. So, implying that they should look sick to be taken seriously isn’t helpful.
What you can say instead:
- “I see you’re managing today. How’s it really going for you?”
- “How have you been feeling lately? I know Parkinson’s can be unpredictable.”
By asking open-ended questions, you let them share their experience without assuming you know what they’re going through.
2. “At Least It’s Not as Bad”
Trying to minimize someone’s challenges by comparing them to other, often more serious, diseases is a huge mistake.
Sure, Parkinson’s isn’t as immediately life-threatening as some other conditions, but that doesn’t make it any easier to live with.
People with Parkinson’s have to deal with daily motor symptoms, as well as the mental and emotional toll the disease can take. So, when you say, “At least it’s not cancer,” or, “It could be worse,” you’re downplaying their reality.
This kind of comment can come across as dismissive. It’s almost as if you’re saying their struggles aren’t valid because someone else might have it worse. But here’s the truth: comparing illnesses only creates more frustration. People with Parkinson’s are already facing an uphill battle, and they don’t need you telling them that their experiences are any less important than someone else’s.
What you can say instead:
- “Parkinson’s is such a challenging disease. How have you been handling everything?”
- “I know it can’t be easy. How can I support you today?”
This way, you acknowledge their struggles without comparing them to others.
3. “You’re Too Young to Have Parkinson’s”
Parkinson’s is often associated with older adults, which is why it’s so surprising to hear that someone has it when they’re younger.
But the reality is that Parkinson’s can affect anyone at any age. Young-onset Parkinson’s is a real thing, and it affects people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s.
Telling someone they’re “too young” to have the disease isn’t just ignorant—it can also make them feel like they don’t fit into the world of Parkinson’s.
It’s also a bit frustrating to be told you’re too young for something that you have to live with every day. Parkinson’s doesn’t care about your age. The disease is as complex and personal as the person who has it, and it can hit anyone at any time.
What you can say instead:
- “I can’t imagine what that must be like. How are you adjusting?”
- “I know Parkinson’s doesn’t have an age limit. How can I best support you through this?”
Instead of commenting on their age, focus on the person in front of you and how they’re coping.
4. “You Just Need to Think Positive”
The “think positive” trope. It sounds good, but let’s be real—it’s not that simple. Positive thinking can’t magically make Parkinson’s disease disappear.
Telling someone to just “think positive” is minimizing their experience. It’s like saying, “Just cheer up, and everything will be okay.”
Parkinson’s disease isn’t something that can be wished away with a positive attitude. Sure, having a good mindset can help with emotional resilience, but it doesn’t fix the physical and neurological challenges they face. Telling someone to “just think positive” can come across as patronizing and unhelpful, especially if they’re in a rough spot.
What you can say instead:
- “I know it’s tough. How are you really feeling about everything?”
- “If you ever want to talk or vent, I’m here for you.”
Let them process their feelings without trying to push them into a mindset they may not be ready for.
5. “I’ve Heard”
The internet is full of all kinds of random, and often misleading, information about Parkinson’s disease. People love to throw around “facts” they’ve read online, but that can be a double-edged sword.
Parkinson’s is a complicated disease, and what works for one person may not work for someone else. When you repeat false or unhelpful information, it can feel like you’re not listening to the person in front of you.
Even well-meaning advice—like “I read this supplement can cure Parkinson’s” or “A certain diet could make it go away”—can be frustrating for someone living with the disease. These “quick fixes” often aren’t based in science and may even undermine the medical care the person is already receiving.
What you can say instead:
- “I’ve been reading up on Parkinson’s, but I’d love to hear more about your experience.”
- “I know there’s a lot of information out there. Is there anything you’ve found helpful?”
By asking them about their personal experience, you show that you’re more interested in their journey, not just a quick solution.
6. “I Know Exactly What You’re Going Through”
Even if you’ve dealt with a chronic illness, it’s unlikely you can fully understand what someone with Parkinson’s is going through.
Each person experiences Parkinson’s differently, and the challenges they face can vary widely from one person to another. It’s impossible to truly “know exactly” what they’re experiencing.
This comment might sound comforting, but it can also be dismissive. It’s one thing to empathize, and another to claim you have the same experience.
Just because you’ve dealt with something difficult doesn’t mean you understand every detail of someone else’s struggle.
What you can say instead:
- “I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.”
- “If you want to talk or need anything, just let me know.”
It’s important to recognize that no two experiences are the same, and it’s okay to admit that you don’t fully understand.
7. “You Should Try This”
We’ve all heard it: someone suggesting a “miracle cure” for Parkinson’s disease. Whether it’s a special diet, a new supplement, or an unconventional treatment, unsolicited advice can be more overwhelming than helpful.
Sure, there are a lot of treatment options for Parkinson’s, but many people are already working with their doctors and healthcare team to find what works best for them.
When you throw out a suggestion without knowing the full context, it can feel like you’re undermining their personal choices and medical care.
What you can say instead:
- “I know there’s a lot of treatments out there. How’s your treatment plan working for you?”
- “If you want to talk about new treatments or therapies, I’m here to listen.”
Let them lead the conversation when it comes to treatment. Don’t assume they’re unaware of their options or that you have the solution.
8. “Isn’t That Just Part of Getting Older?”
It’s easy to assume that Parkinson’s disease is just a normal part of aging, especially since it primarily affects older adults.
But this assumption can feel frustrating for someone with Parkinson’s, because it’s not just a natural part of growing old.
Parkinson’s is a neurological disease that can affect anyone, and it’s not just about getting older.
Saying something like this can feel dismissive, as if their condition is just a minor inconvenience of age. Parkinson’s is a major life challenge that can affect every part of someone’s life, so it’s important to take it seriously.
What you can say instead:
- “I know Parkinson’s can be really tough. How’s it been for you lately?”
- “What’s the hardest part of Parkinson’s for you?”
Let them express their experience, and focus on how they’re feeling, not on age-related assumptions.
9. “You Don’t Look Sick”
Just because someone doesn’t look sick doesn’t mean they’re not struggling. Parkinson’s is one of those diseases where the symptoms aren’t always obvious to outsiders.
People with Parkinson’s might appear “fine” on the surface, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t battling fatigue, pain, or even emotional struggles.
Telling someone they don’t look sick can feel like you’re invalidating their experience, like they should be suffering in a visible way for it to count. It’s important to remember that just because someone doesn’t outwardly show their struggles doesn’t mean they aren’t going through something difficult.
What you can say instead:
- “I know Parkinson’s can be challenging. How are you doing today?”
- “It’s good to see you! How’s everything been?”
Acknowledge their condition, even if it’s not visibly apparent. That shows you care.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, when you talk to someone with Parkinson’s, it’s all about empathy. It’s about showing that you see them as a whole person, not just their disease. Your words matter. With a little bit of care, you can be a source of comfort and support for someone going through a tough time. Be mindful, be kind, and be there for them in ways that truly matter.
Words are powerful, so use them wisely.
