When six-year-old Michelle noticed her grandmother calling her by her aunt’s name, she felt confused and scared. Like many children facing a loved one’s dementia diagnosis, Michelle needed help understanding these changes. Explaining dementia to children requires a delicate balance of honesty and reassurance.
Research shows that children who receive age-appropriate explanations about dementia cope better with the changes in their family dynamics.
By using simple analogies, maintaining open communication, and providing emotional support, we can help young minds grasp this complex condition while preserving their sense of security and connection with loved ones.
Dementia: What it is and how it affects the brain
Dementia & the Brain is an illness that changes how the brain works. It makes it harder for someone to remember things, think clearly, and do daily tasks.
Think of the brain as a library – in someone with dementia, the books (memories) become mixed up and difficult to find.
When someone has dementia, parts of their brain stop working as well as they used to. This can make them act differently than before. They might:
- Forget names or places
- Say the same things multiple times
- Have trouble finding the right words
- Feel confused about familiar activities
Just like a computer that struggles to open files, the brain has trouble accessing and storing information. This isn’t anyone’s fault – it’s simply how the condition affects the brain’s ability to function.
Talk About Dementia with Children
Talking openly with children about dementia builds trust and reduces anxiety. When children understand what’s happening, they feel more secure and included in family changes.
Many kids notice differences in their loved ones but might not know how to express their concerns.
Clear communication helps children:
- Make sense of the changes they see
- Feel comfortable asking questions
- Know their feelings are normal
- Stay connected with family members
- Learn to respond with kindness
Helping kids understand dementia gives children the tools to handle the situation better. They learn it’s okay to talk about difficult topics and that their family supports them through changes.
Providing a Simplified, Age-Appropriate Explanation of Dementia
When talking to young children about dementia, start with basic statements like “Grandma’s brain works differently now, which makes it hard for her to remember things.” For school-age kids, you might compare the brain to a puzzle with some missing pieces.
Children respond well to everyday examples they understand:
- For younger kids: “Sometimes the brain gets tired and needs extra help”
- For older children: “The brain is like a computer that’s running slowly”
- For teens: “Different parts of the brain handle different tasks, and some parts aren’t working correctly”
Keep words simple and clear. Instead of medical terms, use phrases like “memory problems” or “confusion.” Let children ask questions and respond with honest, straightforward answers that match their understanding level.
What is dementia should be explained in terms that children can grasp, using tackling difficult conversations as a guide.
Strategies for Initiating the Conversation Without Causing Fear
Choose a quiet, peaceful time to talk about dementia with children. A relaxed setting helps kids feel safe asking questions and sharing their thoughts. You might start during a familiar activity like coloring or after reading a story together.
Books and videos made for children work well as starting points. These resources show kids they’re not alone and help them relate to other families going through similar changes.
Begin by asking what they’ve noticed:
- “Have you seen anything different about Grandpa lately?”
- “What do you think when Mom helps Grandma remember things?”
- “How do you feel when we visit?”
Let their responses guide the discussion. Children often pick up more than adults realize, and their observations provide natural openings for honest, age-appropriate conversations.
Examples of How to Answer Common Questions Children May Ask
Children often ask direct questions about dementia that need simple, honest answers. When they ask “Is it contagious?” explain that dementia isn’t like a cold – no one can catch it from spending time together or giving hugs.
For the question “Will they get better?” say something like: “The doctors can’t make dementia go away, but we can help Grandpa feel comfortable and happy. There are medicines and activities that make his days better.”
If children wonder “Why do they forget who I am?” tell them: “Even though Grandma’s memory isn’t working well right now, her heart still knows you.
Sometimes her brain gets mixed up, but she still cares about you. It’s not your fault when she forgets – it’s because of how the brain works affects her memory.”
Reassuring Children and Addressing Their Emotions
When a family member has dementia, children may feel sad, worried, or confused. These feelings are natural reactions to the changes they see. A child might feel upset when Grandpa doesn’t remember their name or anxious about visiting.
Parents can help by:
- Listening without judgment when children share their feelings
- Offering comfort through hugs and gentle words
- Saying things like “It’s okay to feel sad” or “I understand this is hard”
- Making time to talk about their worries
- Showing that adults have similar feelings too
Let children know they can always come to you with questions or concerns. Sometimes, just sitting together quietly or holding hands provides the support they need.
Remember that each child processes emotions differently, and there’s no “right” way to feel about a loved one’s dementia. Helping kids understand Alzheimer’s and being open about feelings helps them cope with these changes.
Tips for Comforting Children and Reducing Fear of the Unknown
Regular schedules and familiar activities help children feel stable when a family member has dementia. Keep mealtimes, bedtimes, and play routines consistent. This gives kids a sense of control during uncertain times.
Parents can support children by:
- Giving clear, honest answers to questions
- Setting aside one-on-one time each day
- Maintaining regular family activities
- Showing extra patience during difficult moments
- Creating safe spaces for expressing feelings
Listen carefully when children share their worries. Sometimes they need to tell their story multiple times to process their emotions. Remind them often that they’re not alone and that many families handle similar changes. Talking about difficult topics helps children feel protected and understood.
Simple statements like “I’m here for you” or “We’ll figure this out together” make children feel protected and understood.
Suggestions for How Children Can Stay Connected to Loved Ones with Dementia
Simple activities help children maintain strong bonds with family members who have dementia. Dementia & the Brain affects memory, but music brings back memories – children can sing familiar songs or play instruments together. Drawing pictures, coloring, or looking through photo albums creates meaningful moments.
Children can:
- Make a memory book with photos and stories
- Play gentle card games or do simple puzzles
- Read books aloud together
- Help with basic tasks like folding laundry
- Share favorite family recipes
- Hold hands during visits
- Plant flowers or watch birds together
Short, frequent visits work better than long ones. Even brief moments of connection matter. Remind children that while their loved one might not remember details, they still feel the warmth and joy of spending time together.
Encouraging Empathy and Compassion in Children
Teaching children to understand others’ feelings helps them respond kindly to family members with dementia. When kids learn empathy early, they become more patient and caring in their interactions.
Simple activities can build understanding:
- Act out situations their loved one might face
- Practice speaking slowly and clearly
- Take turns being a helper during daily tasks
- Notice and name emotions during visits
These exercises show children how their actions affect others. When kids see how their gentle words or patient responses make their loved one smile, they learn the value of kindness.
Small acts make big differences:
- Waiting calmly when someone needs extra time
- Speaking softly when their loved one seems confused
- Offering help with simple tasks
- Showing care through gentle touches or smiles
These moments strengthen family bonds and teach children practical ways to show love and support.
Using Books, Videos, and Other Resources for Further Learning and Support
Many books help children understand how dementia affects their loved ones:
- “Still My Grandma” by Veronique Van den Abeele
- “What’s Happening to Grandpa?” by Maria Shriver
- “The Memory Box” by Mary Bahr
- “Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge” by Mem Fox
Educational videos create starting points for family discussions:
- “Grandad’s Story” from Alzheimer’s Research UK
- “The Magic Tape” animated short film
- “A Visit with Grandma” series
Online resources offer interactive learning:
- Kids & Teens page
- Young Dementia UK youth section
- Brain games and memory activities
- Virtual storybooks about family changes
These materials use pictures, stories, and activities to explain memory loss in ways children understand. They show other families managing similar situations and provide tools for staying connected.
Where to Find Additional Help or Support Services
Several organizations provide guidance for families talking about dementia with children:
The Alzheimer’s Society offers:
- Helping Kids Understand helpline: 1-800-272-3900
- Online family support groups
- Youth counseling services
- Educational materials in multiple languages
The Alzheimer Society of Canada provides:
- Local support programs
- Family resource centers
- Professional counselors
- Youth-specific workshops
Additional resources include:
- Family Caregiver Alliance: www.caregiver.org
- National Institute on Aging: www.nia.nih.gov
- Local memory care centers
- School guidance counselors trained in family support
These organizations connect families with trained professionals who understand how dementia affects children. They offer age-appropriate materials, support meetings, and one-on-one guidance for parents and children.
Supporting Children Through Understanding
The journey of explaining dementia to children is ongoing, requiring patience, empathy, and consistent support. By maintaining open dialogue and using age-appropriate resources, we can help children navigate the emotional challenges while fostering compassion and resilience.
Remember that every child processes information differently, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. The key is creating a supportive environment where children feel safe expressing their feelings and asking questions, while maintaining meaningful connections with their loved ones affected by dementia.
